How To Break Your Heart (And Rebuild It)

Step one:‌ Give someone everything you have to offer.

Step two: Let them take until you’re left with nothing more to give.

There are some people in this world who are magnetic. Something about them whether it’s their looks, their personality, their voice, their charisma – makes them mesmerizing, almost blinding. So much so that it would be a crime to use their name and the word flaw in the same sentence.

So you decide to ride the wave.

And. It. Is. Glamorous. Your life turns into those slow motion movie montages where all you can do is smile, write positive things in your diary, and dance in the rain. Your heart is full it physically explode.

But all waves, eventually come crashing down.

Once it hits you, you begin to see some cracks and incongruences in the perfect picture you painted in your head. All those montage scenes you played, conveniently skipped the bad parts. The parts you hid under the rug and wanted to ignore. But the truth comes out eventually and all of sudden your fantasy starts forming into a reality and you notice your tank has been running on 20% low battery.

Something isn’t right.

You begin realize that while you keep sharing bits and pieces of you, you never get anything in return. You drop everything and go yet when you ask for something, it’s “too much of a burden”. You do everything right but the one time you mess up, it’s always your fault. And besides, you should be happy with what you’re getting, right?‌

Wrong.

It only took you this long to realize because while the signs were always there, you didn’t want to read them because if you did, you would know that there were sirens ringing. But for once, you just wanted something, and it almost felt right so you went with it.

You can’t help it so you continue in the cycle. It doen’t feel as magical but you also don’t want to face the facts so you keep going and going and giving and giving until your 20% because 0% and there you are, left by yourself with nothing left.

Confused, angry, but mostly hurt, you decide to stand up. You decide that you shouldn’t be happy with what you’re getting because you’re starting to realize what you deserve and this isn’t it.

But when you finally take matters in your own hand you’re told you’re delusional. That nothing happened. You know what you felt, what you saw, what you witnessed but none of it matters. Your mind gets twisted and turned until it looks like an intricate soft pretzel that’s so fragile it could snap at any point.

You’re exhausted. You feel like you’re on a roller coaster that never ends. One day you feel like you’re in a movie, and the next you feel like you’re nothing. One day your jaws hurts from smiling so much and the next your throat hurts from sobbing.

Time passes and you feel something growing inside of you. While you never get an answer, never get closure, you find something else. You find something new planted so fiercely inside of you that no one can shake.

You start to feel whole again, but this time it’s entirely within you.

The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you don’t let the glitter get to you. This time you’re stronger. This time, you know what you deserve, you know what you’re worth.

Now, when you hear the waves crashing, they don’t remind you of the bad times — they remind you that you have the strength to get through them.